The Vatican Rag

(Introduction, spoken:)

Another big news story of the year concerned the

Ecumenical council in Rome, known as Vatican II.

Among the things they did, in an attempt to make

The church more... commercial, was to introduce

The vernacular into portions of the Mass to replace

Latin, and to widen somewhat the range of music

Permissible in the liturgy. But I feel that if they

Really want to sell a product in this secular age,

What they ought to do is to redo some of the liturgical

Music in popular song forms. I have a modest example

Here; it's called The Vatican Rag!

First you get down on your knees,

Fiddle with your rosaries,

Bow your head with great respect,

And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want if

You have cleared them with the Pontiff.

Everybody say his own

Kyrie eleison,

Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,

Step into that small confessional.

There the guy who's got religion'll

Tell you if your sin's original.

If it is, try playin' it safer,

Drink the wine and chew the wafer,

Two, four, six, eight,

Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,

Fiddle with your rosaries,

Bow your head with great respect,

And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,

When in Rome do like a Roman;

Ave Maria,

Gee, it's good to see ya.

Gettin' ecstatic an' sorta dramatic an'

Doin' the Vatican Rag!