a Broken Jar

So here goes one last letter now

One last attempt to make sense

Who have I been writing to?

I'm not sure anymore

What have I been trying to accomplish?

It's a mystery, I guess, self-made secrecy

Things get cloudy and now

All these stories and the struggle as an undercurrent

Both get blurry by the minute both get blurrier

So, which voice is this then that I've been writing in?

Is it my own or his?

Has there ever been a difference between them at all?

I don't know

I don't know

One last desperate plea

One last verse to sing

One last laugh track to accompany the comedy

Have I been losing it completely, losing sanity, or

Has it been fabricated, fashioned by the worst of me?

I know I knocked the table over because

I watched the jar break and I've been

Trying to repair it every single stupid day

But won't the cracks still show

No matter how well it's assembled

Can I ever just decide

To let it die

And let you go?

All my motives and every single narrative below reflects

That moment when it broke

And will I never let it go, no matter what

Now I am throwing all the shards away

Discarding every fragment

And fumbling uncertain towards a

Curtain call that no one wants to happen

That no ones going to clap for at all

But that still has to be