Blood in the Water

Now when you choose a law career

The moment you embark

There is that joke you're bound to hear

"A lawyer is a shark"

Ignore that, it's simplistic and it's dumb

Only some of you will turn out sharks, just some

The rest... are chum

Our topic is blood in the water

Kids, it's time you faced

Law school is a waste

Oh yes, unless you acquire a taste for blood in the water

Dark and red and raw

You're nothing until the thrill of the kill becomes your only law

Mr Schultz, hypothetical question

Would you be willing to defend the following banker accused of fraud?

A kind old Grandma took her savings and she sent it

Off to your client, all she saved since she was born

Well, he promised to invest it, but he spent it

On prostitutes and heroin and porn

No, I would not want to take that case

Wrong!

This one is a win unless you're lazy

Grandma's broke, she'll have some hack from legal aid

Put her on the stand and call her old and crazy

Your guy goes free and he can get you high and laid

Look for the blood in the water

Read your Thomas Hobbes

Only spineless snobs

Will quarrel with the morally dubious jobs

Yes, blood in the water

Your scruples are a flaw

Ms Hoopes, hypothetical question

Would you be the right lawyer for the following client?

Say they offer you a bundle for defending

A famous hitman for the Mafia elite

Seems he missed his chosen prey

Killed a nun and drove away

Running over three cute puppies in the street

What, you think I wouldn't defend him

Just because he's a typical man?

Oh, you lesbians think you're so tough

Oh dear, I fear my comment has offended

Hard to argue, though, when you're too mad to speak

Your employment will be very quickly ended

When they see how your emotions make you weak

So what's my point?

I run a billion dollar law firm

And I hire four new interns every year

From this class I will select

Four young sharks whom I respect

And those four will have a guaranteed career

Do you follow me?

So I wanna see, what?

Blood in the water

Exactly

Let the games begin

Four of you will win

But just those four with a dorsal fin

Yes, blood in the water

So bite and scratch and claw

Yes, Ms, uh?

Woods, Elle Woods!

Someone's had their morning coffee

Would you summarise the case of

State of Indiana v Hearn from your reading, please?

Oh... I wanted to answer the puppy question?

But I'm asking you about the assigned reading

Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class?

You have guts, Ms Woods...

Ms Kensington?

Let us say you teach a class at Harvard Law School

A position that you're justly proud about

But a girl on whom you call hasn't read the case at all

Should you let it go or-

No, I'd throw her out

Alright then

You heard your classmate

You have just been killed

She cut your throat so grab your coat

Yes, you've got guts

But now they're spilled

Your blood's in the water

Ha ha ha ha

So would you please withdraw

And if you return be ready to learn

Or is that unfair? Oh, wait I don't care!

That's just how I rule In life and in school

With fear and shock and awe

You're nothing until

Blood in the water

The thrill of the kill

Blood in the water

Becomes your only law

Blood in the water

Your only law

Blood in the water

Your only law

Blood in the water

Blood in the water