The Night Santa Went Crazy

Down in the workshop all the elves were making toys

For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys

When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death

Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath

From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo

Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo

And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye

"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night Santa went crazy

The night Saint Nick went insane

Realized he'd been getting a raw deal

Something finally must've snapped in his brain

Well the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it

Everywhere you'll find pieces of Cupid and Comet

And he tied up his helpers and he held the elves hostage

And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage!

He got Dancer and Prancer with and old German Luger

And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger

Then he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen

And he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Santa went crazy

The night Kris Kringle went nuts, now you

Can't hardly walk around the North Pole

Without stepping in reindeer guts

There's the National Guard and the FBI

There's a van from the Eyewitness News

And helicopters circling 'round in the sky

And the bullets are flying, the body count's rising

And everyone's dying to know

Oh Santa, why?

My, my, my, my, my, my - you used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time

In a Federal prison for his infamous crime

Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears

He'll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years!

But now Vixen's in therapy and Donner's still nervous

And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service

And they say Mrs. Claus she's on the phone every night

With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights, they talk about

The night Santa went crazy

The night Saint Nicholas flipped

Broke his back for some milk and cookies

Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped

Woah, the night Santa went crazy

The night Saint Nick went insane

Realized he'd been getting a raw deal

Something finally must've snapped in his brain

Woah, something finally must've snapped in his brain

Tell ya, something finally must've snapped in his brain