How Was I Supposed To Know?

“Written after the implosion of my long term relationship with a man, “How Was I Supposed To Know?” orbits revelatory grief, my queer identity’s entanglement with insurmountable guilt, and begins to approach… Read More [Verse 1]

I can't help but dig my heels in wherever I go

Fashion a purgatory from my heavenly bones

Swear I find the sun in dull fluorescent glow

Anything is warm when you are frozen cold

I dreamt up a kingdom on unsteady ground

Filled the cracks with lavender and watered down

The taste of consequentialism 'til I drowned

Bating borrowed breath to find a way around

[Pre-Chorus]

I thought I thought I thought it through

I thought, I thought it through

[Chorus]

How was I supposed to know?

How was I supposed to know?

Stars in my eyes and trembling

My self-inflicted reckoning

How was I supposed to know?

[Verse 2]

Chalk it up to well-intended vanity

To cancel out thе noise with my own revelry

Cashing chеap excuses and apologies

Gilding all my ruins, too afraid to leave

[Pre-Chorus]

I thought I thought I thought it through

I thought I thought it through

[Chorus]

How was I supposed to know?

How was I supposed to know?

Stars in my eyes and trembling

My self inflicted reckoning

How was I supposed to know?

[Bridge]

Coming to terms with the obvious

Ripped myself apart for an audience

And hung out to dry for the taking

No, no amount of ignorance could save me

Swore I was taking the high road

Crossing my heart with my eyes closed

Oh, so much for wanting to do right

My all-white satin bloodied from the dog fight

I have to live with the ashes

Knowing that I let it happen

By overlooking the undertones

I tried my best, so

How was I supposed to know?