Guide to Safely Petting Cougars

She was forty-five years and super

Met her at the Hollywood Ball, my seats were super

Be very, very, quiet; Reese is hunting cougar

Pinot Grigio, to the ho I maneuver (Yo!)

"My name's Mauricio, and to tell the truth

I should have practiced what the fuck I was gon' say to you"

And we she laughed, her tits bounced up and down

And that sundress, please undress

I'm hooked on Miss Blank-Blank

From the class of '84 though (What you know about that?)

She got grandkids too (What you know about that?)

We shot the shit for another quick bit

When you get a few ticks, give a young man a hick

She was a dime, back in '99

Now she ain't quite that, but the bitch is still fine

And when I get her on her spine

She slow-fucks to sleep, that makes your nigga weep (Yeah!)

I'd rather fuck with your moms

Because she's past being silly, and her pussy's the bomb

And I remind her of your daddy

That remind her of her twenties and a time when she was happy

She's always upbeat

And it's always her treat

Nigga, cheers to your momma (Hey!)

X4

She respects a real nig

And when you move out the house, we gon' do it real big

We gon' gut your whole room

We gon' put mirrors on the ceiling

We gon' fuck and do shrooms

She don't go to Coachella

She is more purple rain than she is Rockafeller

My little soccer mamasita

Married a milf, all pleasure and no guilt

My brand new lady friend, she stay in the pocket

She ain't a fucking scatterbrain, she be on the topic

She's from another time and space

She has been around the block and you can see it on her face

She was a dime, back in '99

Now she ain't quite that, but the bitch is still fine

And when I get her on her spine

She slow-fucks to sleep, that makes your nigga weep (Yeah!)

I'd rather fuck with your moms

Because she's past being silly, and her pussy's the bomb

And I remind her of your daddy

That remind her of her twenties and a time when she was happy

She's always upbeat

And it's always her treat

Nigga, cheers to your momma (Hey!)

X4