An Irish Pub Song

There's a county map to go on the wall

A hurling stick and a shinty ball

The bric, the brac, the craic and all

Let's call it an Irish pub (Hey)

Caffreys, Harp, Kilkenny on tap

The Guinness pie and that cabbage crap

The ideal wannabee Paddy trap

We'll call it an Irish pub

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book

The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug

If you draw one more shamrock in me beer! (Hey)

We'll raise the price o' beer a dollar

We'll make em wear a shirt and collar

We'll fly a bloody tri-colour

And call it an Irish pub

Jager bombs and double shots

The underagers think its tops

We'll spike the drinks and pay the cops

We got us an Irish pub

The quick one in the filthy bog

The partin' glass across the lug

O' the lady-O, the dirty dog

We got us an Irish pub

It's over to me (and over to you)

We'll skip along the Avenue

(And who t'hell is Ronnie Drew?)

We got us an Irish pub

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book

The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug

If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!

Plasma screens and neon lights

Kara-farkin-oke nights

The bouncers they can pick the fights

We'll call it an Irish pub

Plastic cups, a polished floor

We'll hose the blood right out the door

And let the knucklers back for more

We got us an Irish pub

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book

The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug

If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!

Oh top o' the mornin', Garryowen

Kiss me I'm Irish, Molly Malone

Failte, Slainte, Pog ma thon

We got us an Irish pub

Spike the punch and strip the willow

Strike me up the rakes o' Mallow

The Liffey never ran so shallow

We got us an Irish pub

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I swear upon the holy book

The only 'craic' you'll get is a slap in the ear

Whale, oil, beef, hooked! I'll up and burst yer filthy mug

If you draw one more shamrock in me beer!