Indoor Games

Indoor fireworks amuse your kitchen staff

Dusting plastic garlic plants

They snigger in the draught

When you ride through the parlour

Wearing nothing but your armour

Playing Indoor Games

One string puppet shows amuse

Your sycophantic friends

Who cheer your rancid recipes

In fear, they might offend

Whilst you loaf on your sofa

Sporting falsies and a toga

Playing Indoor Games, Indoor Games

Your mean teetotum spins arouse your seventh wife

Who pats her sixty little skins

And reinsures your life

Whilst you sulk in your sauna

'Cause you lost your jigsaw corner

Playing Indoor Games, Indoor Games

Each afternoon, you train baboons to sing

Or swim in purple perspex water wings

Come Saturday jump hopper, Chelsea brigade

High bender-trender it's all Indoor Games

No ball bagatelle incites

The children to conspire

They slide across your frying pan

And fertilize your fire

Still you and Jones go madder

Broken bones-broken ladder

Hey, ho

Yeah! Hey, ho

Hey, ho