Touch-Tone Telephone

I think it's time for you to know the awful truth

Mm, the truth about me, and the truth about you

'Cause you're a brand-new species

Big cat (oh-oh), space Nazis, Robert Stack (oh, oh)

God-damn it, gonna snap, Leonard Nimoy (oh, oh-oh-oh-oh)

Call me back (call me back)

I try to call you every day

I'm rehearsing what to say when the truth comes out (of my very own mouth)

I've been working on a unified theory

If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out

'Cause I'm the right one

On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone

I'm the only one

On your AM, AM radio

Oh, I'm crying now, authentic tears

They flow out of me when I think about you

'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand

'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand the meaning of this

Oh my god

I try, and I try, and I try to make you listen to me

I try to call you every day

I'm rehearsing what to say when the truth comes out (of my very own mouth)

I've been working on a unified theory

If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out

'Cause I'm the right one

On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone

I'm the only one (hey)

On your AM, AM radio

Don't hang up yet, I'm not done

I'm an expert, I'm the one

The one who was right all along

Better to be laughed at than wrong

I'm an expert in my field

UFOlogy, yes, it's all real

Ancient aliens, it's all true

I'm an expert just like you

And like you, I'm a genius before my time

Disbelieving, that's the real crime

Pretty soon, they'll discover me

In the Super-Sargasso Sea

I try to call you every day

What can I say when the truth comes out? (Of my very own mouth)

I've been working on a unified theory

If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out (now)

'Cause I'm the right one (now) on my touch-tone telephone (now)

On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone

I'm the only one on your AM radio

(On your AM, AM radio)