Modern Marriage (demo previously unreleased)

I promise not to rip you off.

And I promise not to sell you out.

I will never smoke all your stash if I happen to find it whilst tidying up.

Which, let's face it, isn't likely.

Well, we would always leave you at least a joint's worth, anyway.

And I will never eat the last bit of cereal, and then put the empty packet back, hoping you won't notice, or if I do, I'll pay for the next lot, I promise, 'cos I know that really gets on your nerves.

And I will never sleep with any of your friends

Well, not your best friends.

I don't know just what I'm meant to do

I don't want to make it wrong for you

How can we escape what's happened to

All those others who've gone before us two?

Baby, we have lived together

Now we'll do it all forever

Hold my hand, don't ever let it go

Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go

And how do we avoid being like all those other cheese-masters? Demonstrating the facilities of their new car and the trouser press. From hunter-gatherer to washer-dryer is a long, strange trip.

And what if our kids turn into pudgy blobs, wearing Union Jack underpants, addicted to coffee whitener? Bloated caricatures of something vaguely recognisable as a human being. A human being that you once loved.

I don't know just what I'm meant to do

I don't want to make it wrong for you

How can we escape what's happened to

All those others who've gone before us two?

Baby, we have lived together

Now we'll do it all forever

Hold my hand, don't ever let it go

Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go

So this is it: we're walking down the aisle, the dawning of a new era.

Is this the start of a new airbrushed Disney-life?

Or some 36-part depressing-as-hell Northern drama to be repeated every night for the rest of our lives?

Oh and now I'm frightened.

Oh yeah, I'm shitting Barratt houses here.

Is this the right thing?

And then suddenly I'm turning to look at your face and I'm saying: "I do", "I do", "I do"

I don't know just what I'm meant to do

I don't want to make it wrong for you

How can we escape what's happened to

All those others who've gone before us two?

Baby, we have lived together

Now we'll do it all forever

Hold my hand, don't ever let it go

Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go

I do