The Magician

When the smoke clears, what's left?

Goodbye, goodbye

You drop a kid in gasoline

And give him a lit match

And slap him on the ass

When he lights himself aflame

Like the man who pays his wife

Two hundred pounds to have sex

Because it's the only way he can come

Like the girl, born a princess

Too early or too late

Who waits and waits and knows she'll never be queen

What's left? What's left?

The senile cat's incessant meow

The children's favourite canned cow

The soundtrack of an unkept house

The soundtrack of an abandoned spouse

What's left?

The whirring cogs of futile despair

The anguish of unanswered prayers

The writhing mass of moaning torment

What's left?

You lure a fly to a blazing lamp

Shut the lid tight

And watch it dance about

'Til it dies

Like Sirin's chimp

Who, when given a pen

Draws only the bars of his cage

Like the gown unworn

Like the lawn unmowed overgrown

Like the car, all rust

Like the lungs, black with tar

Like the bones, black with dust

Like the heart, black with shame

Like the eyes, black with age

Like the stillborns living in his formaldehyde grave

Like his mouth open, crying out to be saved

What is left?

What is left?

What is left?

What is left?

And I'm hiding from the government

And my fictional wife

From my dreams and from my memories

I am running from my life

I'm hiding from you, I'm hiding from you

I'm hiding from you

I'm hiding from my mistress

And her dream sextets

I'm hiding from my family

I'm hiding from the explanations

Of all I've been doing wrong

I'm hiding from you, I'm hiding from you

I'm hiding from you

I'm hiding from your lips

I'm hiding from your mouth

I'm hiding from your room

I'm hiding from doubt

I'm hiding from living

I'm hiding from everything

When did I meet you?

Maybe three years ago

So much has happened since

You were a million fears ago

So many since have taken your place

A million more things to keep me awake

No, I don't sleep any more

I just rest my eyes

I'm running from your lips

I'm running from your cries

Your convulsions that crack

The crust of the earth

Your pantomime moans

So forced, so rehearsed

You're the first I call

But I hate the sound of your voice

I hate the words you use

The phrases you think so choice

But I'd kiss you a million times

If you'd only turn your head

You'll never turn your head

Just like me, you're not alive

You're dead, you're dead

In the German Black Forest of which I know nothing

I dream you ride a black horse

Back and forth, back and forth

With no compass to follow

Or landmark to reach

You perambulate aimlessly through nondescript trees

In the nondescript forest

Of which I know nothing

And can't visualise

Save your faint silhouette

And I clutch and it evades

And I awake from the dream

No, none of it’s real

I don’t sleep, I don’t sleep!

I wander through cavernous thoughts and regret

Through nothingness, through sagas

That never took place

Your kiss, never given

And your touch, never felt

Your words, never spoken

Your gift, never dealt

Your lies, all around

Your deceit, infinite

I’m hiding from your never ending torrent of shit

Like the spouse happily married

Who still lies alone

Like the world famous actor

Still completely unknown

Like the German Black Forest

Of you, I know nothing

I know not your eyes

your skin

your stench

your sins

your arms

your hold

your heart

your folds

your nails

your grip

your grin

your tics

your sex

your shame

I know only your name

What’s left of the lover

Who doesn’t exist?

Who knows not how many fantasies

Involve her kiss?

What’s left of the dreamer

Who dreams, and dreams, and dreams, and dreams, and dreams

Who thinks he isn’t dreaming

Who thinks he is free?

And what of the endless, heedless, ennui?

Will it leave me be? No!

When the smoke clears, it remains your name

When the smoke clears, it remains, it remains

When the smoke clears, it rains, it rains

When the smoke clears, it's all I'll have left

Like the Magician who disappears from no one

He speaks until his lies become sound

Like the Magician disappears, and never reappears

Like the Magician disappears from no one

He speaks until his voice becomes sand

He disappears after a while