You Can Call Me Al

A man walks down the street

He says, "Why am I soft in the middle now?

Why am I soft in the middle?

The rest of my life is so hard

I need a photo-opportunity

I want a shot at redemption

Don't want to end up a cartoon

In a cartoon graveyard"

Bonedigger, Bonedigger

Dogs in the moonlight

Far away, my well-lit door

Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly

Get these mutts away from me

You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long-lost pal

I can call you Betty

And Betty, when you call me

You can call me Al

A man walks down the street

He says, "Why am I short of attention?

Got a short little span of attention

And whoa, my nights are so long

Where's my wife and family?

What if I die here?

Who'll be my role model?

Now that my role model is gone, gone"

He ducked back down the alley

With some roly-poly, little bat-faced girl

All along, along

There were incidents and accidents

There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long-lost pal

I can call you Betty

And Betty, when you call me

You can call me Al

Call me Al

A man walks down the street

It's a street in a strange world

Maybe it's the Third World

Maybe it's his first time around

He doesn't speak the language

He holds no currency

He is a foreign man

He is surrounded by the sound, sound

Cattle in the marketplace

Scatterings and orphanages

He looks around, around

He sees angels in the architecture

Spinning in infinity

He says, "Amen and Hallelujah!"

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can be your long-lost pal

I can call you Betty

And Betty, when you call me

You can call me Al

Call me

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can call you Betty

If you'll be my bodyguard

I can call you Betty

If you'll be my bodyguard