Charlie's Inferno (60's Version)

Here lies Charlie

You can tell it's him 'cause we put his name on the stone

He kept his showers ice-cold, used eco-friendly lightbulbs

Rode his bicycle to work when the gasoline price rose

He'd judge with no pretense, fish on the weekends

Each morning, get up, do the Pledge of Allegiance

Never swim in the ocean for fear of shark attacks

Bi-monthly, get his wife a rose with a card attached

Avoiding all the little things that were hard to ask

Had a car crash, cardiac arrest, died of a heart attack

Golden escalator, all his friends and neighbors

Huddled there in prayer around the respirator

"Catch you later, I'm off to see the man upstairs

They all look like ants from here, stars and crystal chandeliers"

There was an angel at the entrance, checking off a guest list

Charlie wasn't on it and was ushered to the exit

His heart sank

He was breathless

"Excuse me, sir, there must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I go to church on Sunday, truly, usually more"

Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door

"Excuse me, sir, there must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I go to church on Sunday, truly, usually more"

Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door

"Abandon all hope, all ye who enter"

It was a horrifying sign, but sounded like a neat adventure

Far beyond the halos and the castles in the clouds

Fatsos squealing, shackled with some apples in their mouths

Attention whores in padded bras hanging from extension cords

Tortured with the products from their favorite catalogs

Here we buy and sell a million kinds of Hell

Imagination is the limit to the devil's clientele

Up a dingy elevator, no televised debate or

Savior saves you from the hell you paid for, sorry buddy, smell you later

Side-stepped fate, went right for the gate

But you know the devil, he loves a good chase

There was a demon at the entrance, making X's on a checklist

Who would kick you in the ass when you begged him for repentance

Those tempted by the senses with the cruelest of intentions

Charlie's heart sank, he was breathless

"Excuse me, sir, there must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I really don't belong here, I know you've heard that tune before"

Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door

"Excuse me, sir, there must be someone you've confused me for

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform

I really don't belong here, I know you've heard that tune before"

Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door

Can run from your own demons until you are exhausted

One day, you will have to stop and find out what they wanted

Keep on running from those demons until you are exhausted

You can run to those angels until you are exhausted (ooh)

One day, you will have to stop and question what they wanted

Keep on running to those angels until you are exhausted

"Excuse me, sir (I)

There must be someone you've confused me for (don't want to)

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform (die)

I really don't belong here (please don't)

I know you've heard that tune before" (let me die)

"Excuse me, sir (I)

There must be someone you've confused me for (don't want to)

If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform (die)

I really don't belong here (please don't)

I know you've heard the tune before (let me die)"

"Excuse me, sir!"