Hazbin Guarantee (Trust Us)

Come on in, here's your key

Let me take your bag, wait 'til you see

The hotel, 'cause it's great!

If you parked your car, we'll validate

All our guests are family

(Hey, perv!, hands off the chest fluff)

That's the Hazbin guarantee

And did I mention it's free?

(It's worth the price. Al, be nice)

(Full of drunks, full of cunts!)

(Full of sticky floors covered in junk)

Ha, don't mind them (No one does!)

Or that hole (Ugh, Cherri!) (What?)

You've made a great choice to save your soul

'Cause redemption is possible

I really, really hope

'Cause if it isn't, then my whole life's been a fuckin' joke

And my friend died for no reason

And I'm never gonna cope

From watching him get fucking murdered right in front of me last month (what?)

There's a bar! (What the shit?)

Have a beer (I don't drink)

I just know you're gonna love it here

We can live in harmony

(No, I can't make a fucking Mai Tai)

That's the Hazbin guarantee

Now, repeat after me

I'm checkin' in (I'm checkin' in)

I'm seekin' guidance (I'm seekin' guidance)

Come on, everybody!

For my reckonin' (for my reckonin')

I'll never turn to violence (I'll never turn—)

I'm checkin' in (I'm checking in)

I'm seekin' guidance...

(That place sucked ass)

Psst, hey, you

(Who? Me?)

That's right, baby!

Redemption got you snoring?

That scene was fucking boring!

Have you considered a vocation that is more rewarding?

Because I sense a drop of star potential

With a little boost, that drip could turn torrential

Come on down to Vee Tower

Where we have talent flower

No tellin' how hot you could get once you're backed by our power

Let's start with a killer fit

Let's get filler in those lips

Wax that gooch and pull that strip

A snip, snip, snip

Ooh, all of Hell's gonna want you

In this game, no one outdoes us

No one can outbuzz us

All you gotta do is trust us (la-la-la)

Just us (la-la-la)

Trust us

Take all these starring roles

We trademarked all your holes

There's no such thing as being totally over-exposed

Except now they're sick of you

'Cause they've seen way too much

But we'll still get the clicks from souls who hate you

Scratch that, they changed the channel

And we can't sell the scandal

Hope you had fun, but we are done with you

Your run has cancelled

We're finished, I'm not kidding

Get the fuck out of my building

Get the fuck out of my building!

Snip, snip, snip, bitch

Ooh, but if you know someone new

Tell 'em that no one outdoes us

No one can outbuzz us

All they gotta do is—

Come on in! (Come on down to Vee Tower)

Here's your key!

And see how great your after-life could be

We can live in harmony

(Why be nice when you can be famous?)

That's the Hazbin

Sign and cash in

Guarantee!

Yeah, right, bitch!

Trust me, just me

Trust— Us, no I-uh, I meant to say us

(Uh-huh)

(Yeah, okay)