I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home

I came crawling home last night, like many nights before

I finally made it to my feet as she opened up the door

And she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore"

She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home

So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam

We'll take out the dining room table, we'll put a bar along that wall

And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall"

She said, "Just bring your Friday paycheck, and I'll cash them all right here

And I'll keep on tap for all your friends their favorite kinds of beer

And for you, I'll always keep in stock those soft aluminum cans

And when you're feeling macho, you can crush them like a man"

She said, "We'll rip out all the carpet, and put sawdust on the floor

Serve hard-boiled eggs and pretzels, and I won't cook no more

There'll be Monday night football on TV above the bar

And a pay phone in the hallway, when your friends can't find their car"

She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home

So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam

We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall

And a neon sign will point the way, to our bathroom down the hall"

She said, You'll get friendly service, and for added atmosphere

I'll slip on something sexy, and I'll cut it clear to here

Then you can slap my bottom every time you tell a joke

Just as long as you keep tipping, well, I'll laugh until you're brok""

She said,"Instead of family quarrels, we'll have a bar-room brawl

When the Ham's bear says it's closing time, you won't have far to crawl

And when you run out of money, you'll have me to thank

You can sleep it off next morning while I'm putting it in the ban"

She said,"I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home

So you can feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam

Then when you and your friends get off from work, and have a powerful thirst

Well, there won't be any reason why you can't stop off here first"

She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home

So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam

We'll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall

And a neon sign will point the way to our bathroom down the hall"

She said, "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home

So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't need to roam

We'll take out the dining room table...