BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WANTS ORDER

I can't fucking believe you

I can't fucking believe you

Please, don't tell me what you think I want to hear

So hard to feel like a bad person for the last few fucking years

I want to scream and yell and throw a fit and run amok

But you can't seem to listen, all you want to do is fuck

I hate that when I jump you tell me "Do it ten more times!"

Give me that reassurance and then backtrack into lies

Hand me the map and mark it up so much it hurts my eyes

Then take it back when I find treasure as a fun surprise

"Keep falling into circles, I'll cut off my fucking head"

I should've listened to the shit I wrote, not you instead

'Why does it hurt to love you?'

Now I know

I was never insane, I suffered catering to you

I can't cope in a healthy way, I put the blame on me

Denial is so pretty 'til it's all that you can see

Like Tetris blocks, we're falling faster every time it's wrong

Let's build our perfect future, light the fuse, and throw the bomb

Please rope me in some more so you can say I'm not enough

I'll walk around blindfolded, let you put me in a cuff

I'll trust your every word knowing that something else is there

Respect is earned, but in your eyes I could never compare

Tell me more about the kind of future that we had

Let's all laugh together like it's not all fucking bad

Tell me how you're different from the rest, you have a plan

Don't forget to pretend like I ever stood a chance

Tell me why it's my fault so you can remove the blame

I'll hold your accusations so you never feel the pain

My family is worried, say I'm doing way too much

Please treat me gently, bandage me, then kick away the crutch

Got voices in your ears, none of them are ever yours

Incapable of thought beyond the work you won't ignore

The times I shared my feelings, you say I have BPD

Months later, getting tested, just to find that isn't me

Shill me illegal medication, making me insane

So long as I can spread my legs, you'll love me just the same

You drown me under labels, never take me as I am

Tool of convenience for you when life is not as planned

Life lessons work in circles, coming back to bring up hell

Looking back at your work, it seems you know this path too well

I can't say I'm surprised when I step back, connect the dots

Keep running away, ending up in the exact same spots

Give me a list of expectations, one thousand feet long

And when I trip, make sure you yell, don't help me move along

Make sure you say the things to keep me ignorant and blind

Then say that you're the victim once you go and change your mind

Let's build our lives together, full immersion at the time

You think that what I do not know could never be a crime

Please lead me on and let me still continue building trust

So you can call and tell me you might give into your lust

I'm picking up the remnants of our life fully alone

It's easier to run instead of face your fears at home

Pose impatience as gut feelings and spew it onto me

Leaving a trail of garbage but it's fine because you're free

So much I want to tell you, now you've gone and run away

I spent two years in limbo feeling like I've gone insane

My therapist is scared, she said I cannot hold it all

But I kept putting myself down for something that would fall

I'm sorry to myself, I should have never done that much

Beautiful Princess wants order, you leave in a rush

When all is said and done, I don't regret playing the game

A beautiful princess can grow and you will stay the same