Everything You Know Is Wrong

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane

With a rabid wolverine in my underwear

When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat

Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes

I guessed, "Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?"

"Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?"

"Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?"

I probably would have kept on guessing

But about that time we crashed into the truck

And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt

Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer

Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong

Black is white, up is down and short is long

And everything you thought was just so

Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong

Just forget the words and sing along

All you need to understand is

Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams

When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension

And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space

Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr

They sucked out my internal organs

And they took some polaroids

And said I was a darn good sport

And as a way of saying thank you

They offered to transport me back to

Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night

So I could pay my phone bill on time

Just then the floating disembodied head of

Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong

Black is white, up is down and short is long

And everything you thought was just so

Important doesn't matter

Everything you know is wrong

Just forget the words and sing along

All you need to understand is

Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin

When I got a nasty papercut

And, well, to make a long story short

It got infected and I died

So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter

By the pearly gates

And it's obvious he doesn't like

The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing

He tells me that they've got a dress code

Well, he lets me into heaven anyway

But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine

For all eternity

And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong

Black is white, up is down and short is long

And everything you used to think was so important

Doesn't really matter anymore

Because the simple fact remains that

Everything you know is wrong

Just forget the words and sing along

All you need to understand is

Everything you know is wrong

Everything you know is wrong