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Once, there was this kid who

Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint

And when he finally came back

He had cane marks all over his bottom

He said that it was from when

The warden whacked it soooo haaaaard

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Ahh

Once there was this girl who

Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion

And when she finally made it

She saw some other girl who was better

And so she hired some guy to

Club her in the kneeeeee caaaaaaap

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Ahh

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

They got paid for their sound bytes

And sold their TV-Movie rights

And then, there was this guy who

Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner

And when he finally came to

He found little Mr. Happy was missing

He couldn't quite explain it

It'd always just beeeeeen theeeeeere

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

(There were, there is)

(There were, there is)