Couch Potato (Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem)

Look

If you had

One shot

To sit on your lazy butt

And watch all the TV you ever wanted

Until your brain turned to mush

Would you go for it?

Or just let it slip?

Yo

Remote is ready

Eyes wide, palms are sweaty

There's Flintstones on the TV already

Wilma 'n' Betty

No virgin to channel surfin'

And I'm HD-ready

So I flip

Garbage is all I'm getting

There's Simon Cowell

Who folks wanna disembowel

He opens his mouth

Always says something foul

They're dyin', wow

Wannabes are crying now

He votes them out

Time to throw in the towel

Shows based on reality

Oh, the humanity!

Oh, Ozzy's family

Sho' loves profanity

Whoa, the insanity

Oh, dogs that crap and pee

Home of depravity?

No, they live happily

Yo

Plus Da Ali G Show

And Celebrity Mole

Oh, and there's Anna Nicole

Well, she's scaring me

Look ma, no cavities

Oh, it's a station break

Better go out to the kitchen and microwave something

You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV

They told me, they'd scold me

But I'd still tune in every show (Show)

My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO

The Travel Channel, Discovery, and Lifetime (Yo)

You're gonna lose your mind watchin' TV

They told me, cajoled me

Turn off those music videos (No)

I'm gonna watch C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO

The History Channel and QVC and Lifetime (Yo)

(You're gonna)

My butt is aching

As I watch NASCAR racing

That show about undertaking

Larry King

To 24 to

Law And Order

The Weather Channel's boring like 60 Minutes's ancient reporters

Next up on E! True Hollywood Story

The rise and decline of twelve actors named Corey

Shows for next fall, they've already been namin'

CSI: Boise and Touched By An Uncle both sound pretty lame 'n'

So does Everybody Tolerates Raymond

And King of Queens jumped the shark the first minute

I can't believe Richard Simmons ain't in it

I'll move right on to 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenaged Daughter

Then I bet

I watch The Bachelorette

Followed by Welcome Back, Kotter

And The Muppet Show where they go 'Mahna Mahna'

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, they'd scold me

But I'd still tune in every show

My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO

The Disney Channel and A&E and Lifetime

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, cajoled me

But I still love Lisa Kudrow (Drow)

I'm looking at C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO

The Playboy Channel and Court TV and Lifetime (You're gonna)

Never missed Melrose Place or Lost In Space

I've seen each Amazing Race and Without A Trace

But I only watched Will And Grace one time one day

Wish I hadn't 'cause TiVo now thinks I'm gay

Oh, and Fear Factor I watched maybe a half hour

After that, felt like I needed a long shower

Network execs with naked ambitions

Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians

Like to tie up those programming planners

Make 'em watch all of that junk 'til their heads explode just like Scanners

Leech-covered grub-eatin' fools on Survivor

Look there's James Lipton discussing the oeuvre of Mr. Rob Schneider

And there's Gilligan and and SpongeBob, plus there's MacGyver

And Jay Leno has got Madonna, hey there's Luke Perry on a

Special all Pig-Latin episode of Drew Carey

Wanna turn on E.T. 'cause I'm a gossip freak

And I gotta know who J. Lo is marryin' this week

A 30 second spot

Then we come back to Are You Hot?

I was planning on recording The Sopranos

I forgot

I love shows with or without a plot

I'll stare 'til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot

Because I only have got

One brain to rot

I'm gonna spend my life watching television a lot

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV

They told me, they'd scold me

But I'd still tune in every show (Show)

My cable gets C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO

The Sci-Fi Channel and AMC and Lifetime (Yo)

You're gonna lose your mind watching TV They told me, cajoled me

Turn off that Oprah Winfrey show (No)

I got it on C-SPAN, TV-Land, and HBO

The Learning Channel and MTV and Lifetime (You're gonna)

You can watch anything you want to, man