PERCEPTION CHECK

On the horizon of this forest path you see a group of dark cloaked figures

Slowly trudging towards you, what do you do?

My half-orc barbarian braces her greathammer and-

That’s a 1

Critical fail, Steve what do you do?

Well I believe in anticipation my rogue would try and hide behind a tree-

Ok, I rolled a 1

That’s another critical fail, Tom what does your human bard do?

Active Perception Check

(roll)

That’s a natural 20

Let’s fucking go

(flute)

I feel it in my fingers

I feel it in my toes

These muthafuckas mean to harm us

And they got to go

So come on, get’em now

You picked the wrong day

To fuck around with my

TIGHT CREW, oh, oh

There’s no escaping it

I can perceive you

Here’s what we’re gonna do

(flute)

Me and my boys gonna mess you up

I rolled a 1, I rolled a 1

FUCK

My boys are other wise engaged

So I’m gonna bring it all myself

Hey

I forgot, you’re suppose to tell me what I see, right?

Yes, thank you let’s just slow it all down a bit

So you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter

I cast VICIOUS MOCKERY

Nat 20, let’s go

You’re a short muthafucka and nobody likes you

(flute)

SHORT!

Everybody says “Look how fucking short that guy is”

And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships

And when you were born everybody thought that you were just a head

But then the doctor said wait!

This stupid mutherfucking tiny short ass baby got a tiny little itty bitty body

and I HATE IT

Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure, perception check, please

Nat 20 Let’s go

You perceive the figure was so short because it was a CHILD

It’s always a kid

Specifically the child you’ve been looking for for the last

15 days game time and 5 days of our actual lives

Ok, I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’ll be better

Fuck, his body’s just lying there, right?

Right？

Yes

Don’t-

Loot That Body

Gonna loot that body now

LOOT THAT BODY

Gotta loot that muthafucka

Play my flute when I loot that dead kid’s body

(flute)

BITCH