The Illinois Enema Bandit

This song, based on a true story, creatively describes the titular criminal and his exploits.… Read More [Ad-lib]

And now folks it's time for Don Pardo To deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement. Take it away, Don!

"This is a true story about a famous criminal from right around Chicago. This is the story of Michael Kenyon, a man who's serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery. It so happens that, at the time of these robberies, Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema. Apparently, there was no law against that; but his name lives on: Michael Kenyon, THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT!"

The Illinois Enema Bandit

I heard he's on the loose

I heard he's on the loose

Lord, the pitiful screams

Of all them college-educated women...

Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up

They'd be all bound down!

Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag

Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag

Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag

Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit

I heard it on the news

I heard it on the news

Bloomington Illinois...he has caused some alarm

Just sneakin' around there

From farm to farm

Got a rubberized bag

And a hose on his arm

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit

One day he'll have to pay

One day he'll have to pay

The police will say, "You're under arrest!"

And the judge would have him for a special guest

The D.A. will order a secret test

And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest

Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks (That's you over there!)

And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"

Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see

Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy...

HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"

And then the bandit might say, "Why is everybody looking' at me?"

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY?

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?

Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S

YOUR PLEA?

Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"

ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS? (C'mon now!)

He said, "It must be just what they all need..."

"It must be just what they all need..." (That's right!)

"It must be just what they all need..."

"It must be just what they all need..."

"It must be just what they all need..." (That's right....)

"It must be just what they all need..." (Don't you know...?)

Etc. repeat

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be... hey!

Talkin' bout the Illinois...

Illinois...

Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana... ha!

Ain't talkin' 'bout Po-head-otated... ha! (I'll try again...)

Potato Headed Bobby

Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit

Yeah-yeah- yeah!

FZ:

Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada, wherever he is

Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema

An enema

Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema

An enema

I wanna-wanna-wannan-enema

Eh... Take it away!

The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)

The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)

The Enema Bandit

Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit...

(...It can't happen here!)

Juice!

FZ:

Awright-awright! Ray White, the assistant Illinois Enema Bandit, live on stage here in New York! That's it, sit right down and make yourselves comfortable